Acceptance

>It appears that my mom is improving and she may be able to come home sometime within the next few days. She told my dad that she is “considering” finishing radiation, but that window is slowly closing and she doesn’t seem to be making any moves toward getting started again. I understand she’s scared and doesn’t want to be miserable anymore, but I hope she’s thinking about the long term outcome as well.

My mother is very stubborn and will not do something just because people want her to. She likes to do things on her terms and in her own time. Because of this, I haven’t really forced the issue with her because I don’t want her to put up a wall. I’ll admit, I’m going to be very disappointed if come Friday she has let this opportunity pass her by. It seems like she’s giving up and I can’t quite understand why. It’s not like she’s an old lady — she’s only 61 with plenty of years and experiences ahead of her, if she wants to fight for them. It tears my heart out to think that she might not be around to meet her grandchildren, not because she couldn’t be, but because she chose not to fight back.

She can beat this if she puts her mind to it. I believe in miracles, but I also believe we have to do our part and put in a little effort. No one is asking her to jump right back into chemo — in fact, her oncologist won’t even consider it right now — but I truly believe she could handle 8 more sessions radiation now that the cisplatin (chemo drug) is leaving her system. It won’t be fun, and no one is pretending it will be all sunshine and rainbows, but it’s doable.

She keeps saying that she was fine before she started the chemo and that’s what made her end up this way. She’s partially right — it was the chemo that made her so malnourished, but she definitely wasn’t ok before she started treatment either. And I don’t think she is understanding that cancer doesn’t get better or go away on it’s own. This isn’t a cold or the flu. Without treatment, she’s looking at a potentially long road of suffering worse than this ahead of her.

I don’t know how to make her realize this without it seeming like I’m pressuring her to do something she doesn’t want to do. Is it selfish of me to want her to continue treatment? Wouldn’t she want the same for me if our roles were reversed?

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One thought on “Acceptance

  1. >I'm glad your mom should be coming home in a few days. I don't think it's selfish. If this stage and form of cancer is able to be fought with a good chance of her living like she wants then I think she should want to fight for that too. I think its understandable you'd want her to fight for life if she really could live a good life after the treatments over. No telling she'd never have to go through it all over again.. but it's a worthy fight for a chance to live. She may just be too tired of all the treatment. Some people just can't handle the stress it puts on their body/mind.. it sucks for everyone in the situation. 😦 Its hard for those fighting to sometimes see that they can get through it. Everyone on the outside of the illness can see both sides of it. We all know that getting cancer can be a death sentence but when is determined on the kind/stage and if treatment is done/offered. I'm sure those fighting it feel its often best to live out life the way they want, verses in and out of a hospital feeling like crap. I hope your mother can find the strength she needs to continue her fight if its what she decides. I've never had to do this with my parents but I know its rough. I think your mom would want the same for you.. to fight. It's just hard if the person could suffer even after going through a rough battle. I think thats what makes people suffering feel like its not worth it. I hope thats not the case with your mom. I don't know how bad her situation is.. but if she can make it through this.. I hope she fights for it.I'll keep her in my thoughts and hope she choses the best outcome for her. I'm sorry your family and mother are going through this. I really hope you all get the time you'd like to spend with each other.

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